Setting goals for yourself is a good thing. It keeps you focussed, gives you drive and ambition. Whether this be in your personal or working life it helps to have something to aim for. Which is kind of the point, really. My aim is to test my body, my resilience, and my sanity.
I am sharp realising that this might not be the most interesting thing to write about. I'm pretty certain my work friends will be sick to the back bollocks of me chuntering on about it, but I believe the only way I will succeed is if I become obsessed with it, and the reasons I am doing it. If you continue reading I promise to make an effort to give you an upbeat read where I question our ideas about body image, exercise, food, and gym wankers.
Over the next 9 weeks I am following a diet plan which should see my body fat reduce to less than 10%. It could be described as extreme, but it is very basic. I consume around 200+ grams of protein a day. I have a limited list of carbohydrates I'm allowed to consume, but these mostly come from things that are very difficult to enjoy. Like broccoli, for instance. It looks like a mushroom gone wrong, as if it was influenced by the powers of Jean Grey gone Phoenix crazy before it lands on your plate. It's taste, like a lot of green vegetables, is very bland and therefore edible. It's texture however is weird. It feels like it doesn't belong in a mouth and should not be eaten. It makes me uneasy, like the time my step-father went for me because I slammed a basketball off his face. Still, it's on a short list of edible carbs so I persevere. Please note that potatoes, pasta, and bread are not on the list which means my favourite Pizza Sandwich (pasta and chips inside a folded pizza) is not on the menu.
So not sweets, no sugar, no fat, no chips. No McDonalds, no Dominos, no Chinese food. No sense?
I'm currently coming to the end of my 4th day, my meals so far have been:
Breakfast - 2 egg omelette. 50g protein shake. 1 tsp of Creatine Monohydrate.
11am - Chicken. Around 30-40g coming from 2 chicken breasts or 4 chicken thighs. Skin removed.
3pm - Tuna mixed with vinegar and low GI pickled veg (sauerkraut, gherkins, onions). 1 tsp of Creatine Monohydrate.
Before training - 50g protein shake. 1 tsp Creatine Monohydrate.
After training - 50g protein shake. 1 tsp Creatine Monohydrate. 1 tsp L-Glutamine.
Evening Meal - Chicken and Green Veg with Mushrooms (Mange Tout, Broccoli, Green Beans, Onions).
Before bed - 1 tsp L-Glutamine.
So why do it? I've made it a goal to achieve, and I can't shake it. My aim is to follow this for 9 weeks, and hopefully reduce my body fat to less than 10%. The only way you can keep to an aim like this is to have solid reasoning. I can think of three reasons.
1. To look and feel good about myself.
Don't get me wrong here, I'm a happy lad. Most people who read this and know me know I'm always laughing at something. I feel like laughter keeps me alive. As a young un I played a lot of sports and as a result I have a pretty decent strip on me. I didn't have to do much to achieve this and ate whatever I liked. A few years later I started a desk job with a cafe situated in 10 seconds walking distance from my desk. It made all manner of delights and was ran by a lovely bunch of old dears.
I find it strange that my good nature, politeness, and overall effort at being a better person can sometimes seem like I'm just "turning on the charm". This is not the case. You can always tell when someone is trying to charm someone. It seems insincere and causes everyone within a 200m radius to cringe with embarrassment. I'm just myself, and it seems to work just fine. It also seems to make old dears have an unwavering wanting to fatten me up.
Anything I wanted from the cafe, I got. Didn't matter if it was on the menu or not. One day I didn't want the oven chips they served so they went and got me some potatoes from a nearby grocers and made me "proper" chips from a chip pan. I then got these everyday. I put on a considerable amount of unshiftable weight. I say "unshiftable" (even though it's not a real word) because I've always been able to chronicle my weight gain in stages.
When I was younger I went to Florida on a family holiday. It was great fun, I went to Disney World, a live NBA game, and also witness my mother get absolutely bladdered on the plane declaring that America was a dangerous place and she wouldn't be leaving the hotel room during the holiday. Unfortunately she didn't follow through with this. Thanks to a McDonalds right outside the hotel, all you can eat breakfasts, meat on sticks, and eating massive loads of sweets you couldn't get back home I went from 11 stone to 13 stone in a fortnight. I got back down to 12 stone but couldn't get any further. I put on a stone of unshiftable weight. Working opposite the cafe I had a similar experience, and then I went and worked over the road from a chip shop.
On Christmas Day 2011 I weighed myself and tipped the scales at 15 and 1/2 stone. Before my lunch. Although I was still happy and comfortable I thought to myself where it would end. Would I continue to put on weight and maintain it for a while, only to put on more in future years? Turns out the answer was "no". A work-related stressful time saw a sharp drop, but it wasn't until I was introduced to bootcamps and spinning by Chris Blyth that I really made progress.
Until next time, cuntybollocks.
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