One "LOL" At A Time

You'll no doubt be fascinated to hear about a prototype machine gun that can fire 1.62 million bullets per minute. Think, like I did, about what that actually means. 1,620,000. That's a huge number. Every minute. It's operated by a computer, has 36 barrels, and could potentially kill everyone in the World in around 7 hours. Granted the computer was devastatingly accurate and we were all lined up to take the bullet. It seems that some people online have recognised this, and applied it to their conversational skills. I have noticed, as I'm sure you will have as well, messages from people that seemingly fire 1.62 million LOLs per minute.

Everywhere you look there's a LOL. Open your Facebook timeline and I can guarantee within 6 status updates you will find a LOL (please note this is not an actual guarantee). Apparently all of life's mundane situations can be made laughable by simply adding these 3 letters at the end. "I can't believe my I awoke to find my cat licking the open wound on my foot. LOL". "Had eggs for tea, LOL". Just got back from my father's funeral. He caught rabies from a stray cat while trekking in Venezuela, and died soon after. My mother had a heart attack when she found his lifeless body staring at her from their bed. Her funeral is next week. LOL".

I'm not sure who created "LOL", but I would like to congratulate them for creating a generation of morons. As far as I'm aware it started with text speak; young uns who were texting each other, shortening their words to keep within a 140 character limit. This makes sense, as no-one would want to be charged an extra 10p just because their sentence finished at 141 characters. But that was years ago. We now all have unlimited text plans, BBM/iPhone messenger/whatsapp, and in some cultures it's actually still prohibited to actually ring someone! Can you believe it? In this day and age we may actually have a proper conversation using our voices and that.

An example of a teenager's text message:

"I hd sx with MJ a few wks ago. now prgnnt. he lafed wn i tld hm, nd pshd me dn the strs. LOL"

Do you actually know what you're saying when you type "LOL"? Laughing out loud. If you use LOL in text speak, or messages online, I implore you to carry out a test. Start using it in real life. Actually laugh out loud like you would if you were typing it. Do you really laugh out loud at all of the mundane twatty things that happen in your life? Of course you don't. If you did you would be sectioned, condemned to a life imprisoned by 4 white walls, wearing a jacket that just looks like your arms have been permanently folded. I once knew a man whose arms were permanently folded. His name was Shit. I kid you not. Shit Bastard. Got trapped in a standy-up tanning booth, arms melted together. It made the simplest of tasks an unenviable struggle. While walking his dog, the leash he kept in between gritted teeth slipped from him and the dog ran off barking like a fucking idiot. He chased after it and ran straight in front of a moving bus, killing him instantly.

Do you want to end up like Shit Bastard? If you keep using LOL, that's exactly what will happen.

What we need is a campaign. The people need re-educating and I implore you to join the cause. If you see a LOL, stab it in the face til it can no longer laugh and turns itself into a CRY. It is your duty!



KEEP BRITAIN TIDY. ONE LOL AT A TIME.