There's a difference between a cuddle and a hug. A cuddle is usually applied to a partner. It's tender and soft. It's a way of sharing your love for a woman without also sharing saliva. It provides comfort to someone who hasn't had the best of days, it shows that despite your failings and petty bickering, you are there for them. It's a warm expression in a cold bed before you fall asleep.
A hug is different. It's an embrace, but of a manly nature. Although a handshake is still the most appropriate exchange between two strangers, between friends it has been replaced. It's a tight grip, a show of strength and might. It is a pleasant show of kinship. The man on the other side of this burly entrapment not only knows your plight and quarry, but understands it implicitly. They may not have the words, but they have the action.
My attitude towards this action is likely to be rooted to my relationship with my father. He's a fine man. In fact, that description is a little empty. He is truly a man amongst men; someone that other men look up to. Educated and artistic, with an innate ability to make you laugh. A keen drinker and ferocious supporter of Sunderland Football. On Christmas Day he recognises his friends who have nowhere else to go, and offers them a top quality day of drink, food, and entertainment. He is also an incredible father figure. He makes a giant lunch for me every Sunday, and while it's well cooked and enough to feed a herd of fat cattle, I look forward to the man-hug just as much. It doesn't matter who is present or where we are; in the pub, at work, or watching strippers. My dad always greets me with a giant hug.
There has definitely been a change of attitude towards this behaviour between men over the past 20 years. If I were to guess (and I will because I do very little research for my writing) it would be that homosexuality has become more acceptable in society. 20 years ago people's attitudes towards being gay were very different. The gays were camp, and soft like fairies. They probably hugged each other in public, the bastards! For men to act the same as a gay would surely be seen as a sign of weakness, a sign of their masculinity on the wane. As attitudes towards homosexuality became more educated, I'm sure this also altered the opinion of hetero men and their displays of public affection. Because a hug between two men is not about physical attraction. I can state quite comfortably that I'm not "gay" for anyone, except the actor Ryan Reynolds. The strong hug that men share is about friendship.
As we get older, we need the support of our friends as much as we did when we were young. You should never devalue friendship. Whether you are single or in a committed relationship, your brood contains a wealth of experience and knowledge and know exactly how you feel and what you are going through. This is regardless of the situation. While women can listen and provide support, only men understand. You need that solidarity to survive. When you were young you all went out drinking together. It was fun. You would get drunk and break off from your friends at some point in the evening to go hunting for women. When we go out now it's not the same, and rightly so. Drinking is now about the company you keep, the conversations and stories you share while trying to speak loudly over music which must have gotten louder since you were 18. Don't get me wrong, a sly neck-on with a bird at the end of the night is a welcome bonus. But the event of a night out with the lads is to spend time together.
A woman who tries to stop a man from seeing his friends is evil. They think that by letting him "off the leash" his behaviour will regress to childhood and he will wander around a nightclub with his cock hanging out of his trousers actively seeking an accepting and acceptable female. This is not the case. A man needs time with his friends to talk about man-things. He might have problems that he can't share with you. He wants to share jokes and stories that you wouldn't find funny. He wants to talk about the new Avengers movie, or the Halo 4 release date, or how fucking absolutely mint Aliens is. It gives him time to relax himself for the unstoppable barrage of shit that is your life. Ever wonder why he is a good listener to all of your problems? Because he already shared his with his fellow brothers, and now he can focus 100% on you. Be thankful for his relationship with his friends, as it's probably saved your relationship more times than you'll ever know.
I had some words about the Monroe quote the other day, and would like to offer this rebuttal:
"I am a man. At times I act like a child; I play video games, I watch cartoons and sci-fi, and I laugh freely at things you may not find amusing. I spend time with my friends and we share man-hug greetings. I also possess more conventional qualities; I cook, I clean, I listen, I am thoughtful, and I always put the toilet seat down. I don't have a "best" or "worst". I was just born with a fine set of gonads. If you can't "handle" any of the above then you may leave, by door or by window".
Granted it's not as concise or snappy as the Monroe quote, but it definitely covers more ground than that tit-stick ever did.
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