The Girls and Alpha-Males of Gaming

I looked at a photo this morning. I, like most of you, am bombarded with a massive amount of images everyday. Photos have been around since I was born. How do I know this? My parents have photos to prove it. For all I know, the ability to produce still images may have even been around before I was born, but I don't like to think that way. I, like most of you, like to think that the World only got started when I was delivered into it. We're a self-centred bunch. Naughty, naughty us! While we have our faces thrusted into the captured moments and images of other people it's a handy tip to remember; any idiot with a camera on their smartphone can take a photo, but it takes real effort and emotion to capture a picture.

Girls who play video games are a rare breed, but not as rare as you think. I could point you in the direction of a number of different community based websites which would prove this point. Although I'm definitely comfortable with the idea that girls play video games, there are some who simply aren't equipped with the necessary social skills to handle this information. The internet has given people the opportunity to create an almost anonymous, highly exaggerated version of themselves. The majority of gaming males stay quiet in the presence of gaming females, either not noticing or not caring which gender they are associated with. I am not afraid to admit, even with my lengthy experience of girls playing video games, that my interest is piqued when a female enters an Xbox Live gaming lobby. However, I do not feel obliged to send them a message of any kind. This practice is solely the work of the "Gaming Alpha-Male".

The Alpha Male of gaming likes to view themselves as the dominant species online, regardless of their standing in real-life. In real life they might be a quiet, gentle soul, but online they are Thor! Feel their might as they vanquish your gaming skill. We are much more likely to notice an encounter with this breed than we are with a gaming girl simply because they just have to let you know about it. In a lobby full of males, he exerts his man-ship by beating you in video game battle. If he doesn't beat you, he exerts it by telling you you're a "fag", he is likely to call your playing technique (map travelling routes, weapon choices) like they way he plays is the "right" way to play, and he is likely to advise you that in the next game he is going to beat you so badly you are likely to start crying. Or so he would like to think. This repeats until which point he quits the game, usually mid-battle, with his tail tucked so far between his legs it's giving his arsehole a gentle tickle.

When an Alpha Male meets a Gaming Girl, his petty squabble with you becomes history. He is the man, and he must claim his female prize. How does he claim this? From stories told to me by female gamers, the subtle are of Alpha Male online seduction goes as follows: the Alpha Male will first fire a number of private messages to the female. They will be polite, and bland, and likely contain a winking smiley face. The dumb fucking idiot. Regardless of whether they receive a response or not, they will quickly move to something with a little more bite, a message asking for tits, or as the young uns seem to call it these days, "n00dz". Yes, the "o" is replaced with a zero. It's the act of a cretin and a cunt. Upon receiving silence once more, the Alpha Male will assume the Gaming Girl is a lesbian, taking this information public, and berating her with his finding. Now that he is sure there will be no romantic involvement (I mean, God forbid she actually just wanted to play a few games!) the exaggerated Alpha Male finds his voice. The voice of an online fool.

I looked at a photo this morning. It was of a girl who plays video games. The photo showed a pretty girl wearing a pair of glasses, with tape wrapped around the middle as if they had been broken and hap-hazardly repaired. If you had a picture dictionary and looked up "gaming girl", you would be expected to find this photo. It was annoying, to say the least. She maybe wearing the glasses in an "ironic" fashion. In which case, she doesn't know the meaning of "irony" either. The term "nerd" is changing definition. Nerds are cool now. Thanks Sheldon, you beanpole fuck! But ladies, regardless of whether you play video games or not, wearing glasses and claiming you love nerds is not endearing you to anyone. Except maybe the Gaming Alpha-Male. You want him to chase you, hit you over the head with his controller, and carry you back to his cave? That's what will happen.

The line "Thanks Sheldon..." troubles me a little. Like I am sarcastically accepting an award for a group I do not represent. I do not class myself as a stereotypical nerd. I don't think that exists anymore. While I'm a little geeky in my gaming/film/TV habits, I don't want to misrepresent myself. I am an individual, just like everyone else.

To finish, I leave you with a picture. If you're a girl taking a photo of yourself wearing a pair of large thick-rimmed glasses and claiming you're a "gamer/nerd/geek" you may think you're giving people what they want to see. You think you're sexy. All your glasses do is remind us of this...