The Stupidity of You

Part One - The Panic

A couple of days ago an MP who very few people had previously heard of advised the British public to start stockpiling reserves of fuel, petrol, in "jerry cans". His advice following the possibility of a petrol tanker drivers strike.

This comment seemed to literally drive people mental, long queues seen across the country from petrol stations spilling onto main roads. What if a Mother Duck and a cute line of obediently following ducklings wanted to cross the road? Not a chance. People once again hitting their own mental panic button, with absolutely no evidence to support it.

Petrol Tanker Drivers are not on strike. They currently have no fixed date to go on strike. They have to give at least 7 days notice before they go on strike.

If you know someone who filled up their petrol tank yesterday solely based on the possibility that something might happen sometime in the future, please read them the above few lines. And hit them. Hit them hard, and in the balls. If you yourself filled up on petrol yesterday, not because your tank was nearly empty, but simply because you were scared the country was going to run out, take yourself away from your computer/smartphone. You really shouldn't be allowed to operate one. Your technological equipment should be made entirely from cardboard, have no electricity source, and you should be made to wear a crash-helmet before operating.

Today there are reports of people being turned away from petrol stations because the pumps are dry. Some places are rationing output by limiting amounts you can withdraw. Now we have a petrol shortage, and it's all our own fault. And when I saw "our" I don't include myself. Believe me, I will wait until the very last moment before putting petrol in my car. Fucking despise the thought of handing over £80 to anyone, even more so when it's not for new games or blu-rays. Or Adidas Star Wars jackets. "Got a Nectar Card, love?" In fact, yes I do, but there seems to be something wrong with the balance; it goes up so fucking slow I would probably make more money selling my own piss on the internet. Would you like to buy some piss? No? Well stick your fucking Nectar Card up your arse.

Anyone who chuckled at the line "the pumps are dry", I salute you.

"Queues outside garages this morning as motorists hand petrol back, saying they "feel such a fool"" Armando Iannucci, via Twitter.

If you desperately filled cans of petrol yesterday, like you had just seen the 4 Horsemen and were certain Apocalypse was staring you in the face, you should feel foolish. So very foolish. I think about you and the gesture of putting my slowly shaking head in my hands just doesn't seem enough. If TV has taught us anything it's that when the World does end there'll be loads of cars abandoned on highways everywhere. Surely that's enough petrol to go round the few of you left. Providing your car isn't made of cardboard, with no electricity source, not being able to see because you put your crash helmet on backwards, stumbling around in agony from the Nectar Card shoved up your arse.


Part 2 - The Outcome

"York woman sets herself on fire while decanting petrol in her kitchen" THE YORK PRESS

I could barely believe what I was reading. A woman from York managed to set herself on fire while decanting petrol from a "jerry can". She was in her kitchen. She was cooking, so her gas cooker was switched on. I can barely even continue.

Don't get me wrong, the poor lass is now 40% covered in burns and I have the same reactions as most people. It's sad, it really is. But please can you tell me why? Why she thought that transferring an extremely flammable liquid from one container to another, while standing next to something that is essentially on fire, was a good idea?

The York Press also tells us the incident happened just days after an MP no-one had ever heard of advised us to store petrol in "jerry cans". A Labour MP no-one has heard of has called for the other MP to resign following this incident.

Now, lets get one thing clear: I am not here to defend people. I specialise solely in ripping them to pieces. This includes myself. And you. Especially you. I know little about British Politics. I would much prefer to fill my head with TV Shows, XBOX, and tabs. But to suggest this old bastards comment was the full and only cause of a woman setting herself on fire is nothing short of total stupidity. Would the woman have been using a "jerry can" and messing around with petrol had he not made those comments? Who knows. At this time, even the mighty York Press can't give us the answer. But I'm pretty sure this MPs comments were not "People, start stockpiling petrol as it may run out or something. Oh, and if you are going to play around with it, please ensure you are standing right next to an open flame. It really is the only safe way to carry out such a task". Yeah, I don't know much about Politics, but I'm pretty sure that wasn't it.


Part 3 - The Blame

The British Public has spent all of their money on petrol. You can't take a step in a house now without tripping on a petrol can. People have created towers with them, much like "Wall-E" did with people's trash in the film "Rycyclotron 3000". Now there's no petrol, because the British People spent all of their money on it. A woman has managed to set herself on fire.

It's all the government's fault.

Fuck off, and when you're done fucking off, fuck off some more. I'm not defending the government here. They look and sound like walking mouse-traps. But the only reason you're blaming them is because you were told to, and that is so much easier than blaming your own stupid self.

Since when did we stop thinking for ourselves? OK, a member of the government caused a stir when he advised us to start keeping petrol in reserve. But that is just one man's opinion. There was no evidence that Petrol Tanker Drivers were going to strike that very same day. There was information available from their worker's union advising that a 7 day notice period would come before any strike. Yet now there is a chance we will run out of petrol. Because we bought it all. If a member of government advised you that jumping off a bridge was the only way to save your childhood friend, or staying in the house is the best way to make sure you don't get killed by a moving car, would you act on their advice?

You need to think about what you do. Lack of thought leads to people setting themselves on fire. In their own kitchen. The only conclusion I come to when I think about that is the picture of the Jackie Chan meme stating "My Head is Full of Fuck".

And I don't think there's anyone left to blame, for any of this, but ourselves.