Zombies and Vampires. Can't swing a fucking undead cat without hitting one nowadays. Not in actual life, you understand. But on the telly, in books, computer games, the "talkies" at the cinema. Although they have been around for an age it seems pop culture has taken a real liking to them in the 21st century. It's a strange thing to like; Vampires are near invincible undead creatures that feast on us humans, Zombies are near invincible undead creatures that feast on us humans. If they are on a page or behind a TV screen, maybe it's ok for us to be fascinated by them. We are safe on the other side. Or are we? The respective groups are currently most popularly represented by Twilight and The Walking Dead.
Twilight is a love story. It's also fucking shit. It tries to humanise Vampires. I wasn't aware we were being too prejudiced against them? They have unbelievable strength and power and the ability to live forever, but our stories are too cruel and hurt their feelings so why not make them more human in an attempt for the general public to relate to their struggle? The problem there is the humans they are being related to could be replaced by cardboard cutouts with speech bubbles attached showing phrases such as "I'm a miserable cunt", and "Oh look at the new Volvo". The Cullens "cure" Vampires of their urge to kill humans for their blood, teaching them control so they only have to chin animals instead. They sparkle when hit by sunlight. Yes, that's correct. They sparkle in the sunlight. Vampires usually meet a flaming demise when hit by the rays of the sun but here the author thought it would be a bright idea to make them look like a gay disco queen from the 1970's. The Cullens probably have Donna Summer's Greatest Hits on their Pink iPod shuffles. The stupid twats. It's just so fucking bland. Like a clear glass of tap water and a slice of white bread being thrown against a blank canvas.
The Walking Dead on the other hand is a different breed. It takes advantage of what is a tremendous time for serial drama programming. We are fortunate that for every stupid fucking horrible TV Talent show that is made, there is something else out there to watch instead. Because of their length and depth and sheer amount available we have a huge back catalogue of shows we haven't seen. I really do urge you to try one. You will have heard your friends talking about "24" "The Shield" "Dexter", "Twin Peaks", "LOST". Pick one, or any other of the hundreds available, and try it. If all you watch is dumbed down TV for the masses, then you can only expect to become as dumb as them. If you would rather watch Simon Cowell's clay-face say "It's a yes from me" while a Westlife "stand-up key change" plays in the background then please close this page and shut down your computer. Preferably by putting your face through your monitor so the glass blinds you. You really don't deserve the gift of sight.
The Walking Dead is brilliant. Coming from such a rich source material and having such a dedicated fan base it would've been difficult to fuck it up. It has the human element, like Twilight, but gives you characters you actually care about. It puts them in seemingly real life situations. It's not a show about zombies, but rather a show about humans and how we would react if placed in that situation. The pace is slow and builds real tension. It's not just about fighting zombies, it's the feeling that every corner you turn could be your last. Everyone who has seen a monster movie must realise that the feeling of knowing the monster is out there is far scarier than seeing it up close. I concede that zombies are fairly one dimensional and you would struggle to make a TV series based solely on their output. Vampires can talk so they can take an active part in films, such as Twilight, but that doesn't mean they should. Like giving James Corden a microphone, sometimes it will end in tears.
What I take from The Walking Dead, the most gripping real aspect, is the question "what would you do?" How would you survive, really? The thought provoking side of this show leaves you with these questions. Some of the instances are extreme, like being faced with a loved one who has been turned. Could you do the right thing and finish them off? Think about your partner, your children. If you had to could you damage their brain with the first blunt instrument available? It also details the lesser asked questions about your survival, and that is where The Walking Dead shows it's worth! The problem isn't zombies, the problem is other humans. I would like to think that I would help people, I've helped people all my life and pride myself on my outlook. That's not to say that I'm foolish enough to forget that there are some evil people in this World. Like it or not, you would be forced to rely on the kindness of strangers, regardless of whether they enjoyed TV talent shows or not. Actually, if I was given the option of safe haven in a place where all the people wanted to watch TV talent shows I think I would take my chances with the undead.
You can dismiss all of the above though, it's just not going to happen. Is it? Think about how far we have come as a race of people. We can clone animals. We cn put men in outer space. We can create biological warfare. As humans we push ourselves to the very limits of our imaginsations, whether for good or bad. I'm not saying you should prepare yourself, but always remember; Anything can happen.
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