Friday 3 February 2012

Modern Warfare 3 Has A Problem

For those who play Modern Warfare 3, it can be the most rewarding experience filled with rewards for your competitive behaviour and success. However, with success there is always an opportunity to fail. Fail like those idiots on "The Biggest Loser", trying to lose weight while eating an arse load of shit. There are times when I feel invincible, an unstoppable soldier. There are times when my gun might as well be replaced with a feather duster, and my uniform replaced with a maid's outfit.

But that isn't Modern Warfare 3's biggest problem.

The campaign mode is short and exciting, culminating in a final level which few have bettered in terms of satisfaction and closure. It's too short for a gamer, someone who plays daily and tries a wide variety of titles. It is a great length for those who only buy Modern Warfare and FIFA every year, keeping their attention span for no longer than necessary so they can trot off to the football afterwards and shout racial abuse from the crowd. A casual gamer is a fucking twat.

This is nearly Modern Warfare 3's biggest problem. But something is missing.

Xbox Live/PSN give people the opportunity to play games and converse with people from all corners of the Earth. It's an overwhelming thought, and one we take for granted as a technological advancement. We can literally switch on our gaming console and speak to someone in America, something we could never do before (unless you count the telephone as something important). You can make friends and play your games together, providing yourself with rich camaraderie, and the popularity you always craved at school. Literally anyone with a few quid can get online.

And if you join the dots, there is Modern Warfare's biggest problem.

The General Public.

The General Public are without a doubt the biggest bunch of cunts in existence. Their mass is only matched by their massive cuntery behaviour. Gang members, private sector workers, female fire dancers, football fans and, if you're really unlucky, Rugby fans from Yorkshire. All of them could have access to Modern Warfare 3's multiplayer games.

Competition can bring out the best in people. The best people usually stay quiet. Give a cunt the opportunity to hide behind a Gamertag and a microphone and he's Johnny Badass spewing more shit than that truck which covers Dougal and Ted. Given he is a casual gamer, he's not very good but his competitive nature leads him to keep trying. The truth is you're not going to be a very good MW3 multiplayer if you only play a couple of hours now and again. I play much much more than any human should, and I'm still not great. Competent, but not shit-snappingly awesome. His competitiveness turns sour, and he starts berating other members of the lobby; people who simply want to have fun and forget about going to work in 7 hours time. Here are a few examples of such behaviour:

"What's your problem, blood? Tell me your address and I'll come and kill you". Quite serious really, a threat to someone's life. Although the threat was probably as real as Michael Jackson's relationship with that weird looking fat woman he had two kids with, it's still a little shocking when someone takes it to that level. My only problem was his using of the word "blood", especially as he had a Leeds accent and was not Dappy from NDUBZ.

"FMG9 NOOB". I get this a lot. For those who don't know this is an in-game weapon that is ridiculously over-powered. You can dual-wield meaning twice the power, and it sometimes has the range of a sniper rifle. The game allows you to do this, so your complaint is with the makers, not me. As long as I'm not cheating (which I don't) your whining is pointless.

"Piss Off Cheat". This one made me chuckle. Straight to the point. I replied asking how he thought I was cheating, to which I received no reply. I don't cheat in games, and I wouldn't know how. The ability to slow games, lag other people etc is the kind of technical know-how reserved for nerds. The ability to do this and then use it in a game is reserved for nerds who are also cocksuckers. Cocksuckers with massive cocks in their mouths right now as I'm typing this sentence. There's no point really, it takes away the achievement of doing something well.

I am not saying I am above frustration. I swear a lot in actual life, it's fun and I don't think it should be seen as offensive as some people think it is. Playing MW3 multiplayer, and more than any other game, causes me to swear more than Christian Bale at a prop-hand. I either have my mic switched off, or poor Luke Jenner is the only one hearing it. And poor Emma in the next room. Possibly my upstairs neighbour who is likely to think I have tourette's.

It's like Jesus once said, "I wish everyone in the whole World would just fuck off and die horrible deaths, like being mauled by a feral cat or having their face smashed into a bowlful of knives and sharp sticks. But if that happened there would be no-one left to chin on the internet".

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