My Old Man.

"The dudes are lining up because they hear we got swagger,
but we kick them to the kerb unless they look like Mick Jagger"

"I got them moves like Jagger,
I got them moo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo ooves like Jagger"

Couple of lines there to start us off from lyrical geniuses Ke$ha, and Adam Levine of Maroon 5.

Why Mick Jagger? Why would you want to take a potential suitor based on his likeness of this man? Why would you want his moves? It strikes me as strange.

The first is from the song "Tik Tok" by Ke$ha, a female so desperately looking for identity/moulded by corporate schmucks that she spells her name with a dollar sign. The symbol for currency in the US of States. Yes, it is that ridiculous. A poet, she ain't. I'm assuming the only reason for Jagger being referenced at all in this song is the fact it rhymes with "swagger", a word which is currently losing it's true meaning through over-use from young folk who can't do anything properly. Like the word "random". That haircut you got is not random. You dipping your French Fries in Ice Cream, not random. That "arty" photo album you have on Facebook which consists of photos of your face from different angles labelled "Random"? 100% not random.

Anyway, Jagger. he'sth A shicksty eih yur oll grahfahder. Sorry about that, I tried typing with my mouthful. He's a 68 year old grandfather. He looks like that sock you spunked off in and left under your bed for a week and a half. A grey sock, all crusty and that. His skin looks like it was used to make belts. Leather studded ones. He is also skinnier than Karen Carpenter's ankle. This is probably from years of alcohol and drugs.

Ke$ha, looking like she is well-versed in Rock history will probably be referring to his earlier days. Or because "Jagger" rhymes with "Swagger". It also rhymes with "Shagger", but there was no famous people with that name. Except soul legend Shagger Kahn.

Adam Levine. Now there's a face I could not stop punching. The biggest problem I have with "Moves Like Jagger" is how incredibly catchy it is. I find myself whistling along to it's rhythm, which makes me want to punish myself. Fair play though, the infectious melody teamed with the use of Mick's surname has proven to be a winner. It should be noted that Herpes is also infectious too, doesn't make it good.

Why would you be proud to have moves like Jagger? Why would you be so over-joyed that you would dedicate a song, 4 minutes of everyone's life, to the ability to move like a pensioner?

Has anyone seen Mick Jagger move recently? The only time he does nowadays is when he is prodded by a stick, just to make sure he hasn't dropped off the branch.

I was introduced to Jagger's "moves" when he teamed up with Bowie, another cunt, to ruin the Motown classic "Dancing in the Street". He looked like an upright Turtle. His moves were that of a chicken. His famous strut, copied by many (idiots), perfected by one (twat). His moves are like a chicken. A chicken with epilepsy that has just been informed it has won the lottery and also learned about the death of a loved one simultaneously. A chicken that is in constant need to cross the road because that's where its pain medication is. A chicken that has no feet as they have disintegrated on the piss-soaked battery farm floor, and all it can do is roll around bobbing it's head and flapping its wings wondering "I would love some idiot to see me like this, and then develop it into a dance move like a fucking massive prick".

Adam Levine might be the biggest Rolling Stones fan in the whole World for all I know, but I'm cynical enough to assume that he was told to write about Mick Jagger because he is a popular pop culture reference. What I do know is I could not give one fuck about it. What I do know is that I'm thankful that I don't look like or move like Mick Jagger.