So how was it for you then? Everything you hoped and dreamed it would be? Disappointing like the last day of term at school and you were the only person who didn't have his shirt signed by the feckless mob? Or was it just another Tuesday?
The whole notion of Valentines Day is wrong, whether you're single or otherwise. When you were a kid at school it was a popularity contest, the better looking kids fighting it out over who got the most cards, usually from girls younger than yourself as all the girls your own age bestowed their teenage adulation on idiots much older just because they smoked tabs at lunchtime. The other kids were left to fester over another reason to hate those more popular. I was popular at school and I enjoyed it at the time, but I fucking despise it now. Maybe looking back is a story best saved for another time.
The point is it should've been left in the past, left to innocent minds, before we became grown ups and gained responsibilities we never really wanted.
It's a myth that single people hate Valentines Day, although they have every right to. I've had good experiences, and experiences so dull I can't even remember them both as a single person and in a loving relationship. Regardless, I've always been of the same opinion:
It doesn't mean a fucking thing.
It's one day out of your life, one day every year when people are forced into buying something unnecessary at an unreasonable cost just because somebody decided people weren't spending enough between Christmas and Easter. Everywhere you look from Boxing Day, advertisers will be putting out subtle hints that Feb 14th isn't far away. Then nearer to the time you are bombarded with an onslaught of red, like someone had gone on a stabbing spree in the middle of Clintons leaving nothing but shit poetry behind. Cards, for fucks sake. Cards the size of actual people! Cards that are bigger than some people's housing. Cards that could swallow a person whole and act as some sort of novelty fucking coffin. Teddy Bears that look so real they are only one short leap from creating their own army and taking over civilisation. If that happens it would be your fault for buying this bobbins in the first place. If you've ever bought an over-sized bear take yourself outside and give yourself a good shake. Shake yourself off the nearest fucking bridge.
People in relationships are poor bastards. They are the slaves to a pointless tradition. How many actually want to take part? How many are screaming for someone to humanise Valentines Day just so they can work out where to point the gun? There's great pressure to perform here, anxiety builds that should really be reserved for a birthday, or going to the toilet in a public lavatory. These soppy shitsacks are in trouble, throwing money at love. At least with a hooker you're guaranteed a legover. Spending money like it grows on the underside of a cow. It doesn't, I looked. Just udders, and if you're really unlucky big swinging bollocks.
Single people have a different kind of pressure. Another reason to hate everyone else. A day which magnifies your thoughts about how you're still single, and, if you're really unlucky, WHY you're still single. Those thoughts will hurt you more than you're first girlfriend. You remember her? She told you she was going to University when really she was just popping round your mates because he had a car and a bigger willy? Aye, that's the one. Even that is bearable to a degree, in comparison to the looks and smug sympathy people in relationships give you. "Never mind, maybe next year you'll be with someone". Agreed, and maybe next year Black Death will make a timely re-appearance and wipe out your entire family. Hope springs eternal.
The whole point of this is to explain that you don't need a day to show someone you love them. Do you really believe that? Do you? Buy your loved one some flowers, or a novelty vibrator, next week. Even the week after. You can kiss them everyday, tell them you are in love, and with great effort and concentration raise an erection and penetrate them. In case you hadn't realised there are 364 other days in the year, and unless you are on your game for every single one of them you will be joining me for Valentines Day in the single party.
We'll be celebrating another Valentines Day avoided like there's no 15th of February, but that's not the point.
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